January 26, 2009

NOTORIOUS: The Experience




In the last few years, there has been enough of an explosion of music-biopic pictures to warrant their own category in the Academy Awards. That being said,
NOTORIOUS was very much that, another music-biopic.

No doubt
Notorius B.I.G., aka Biggie Smalls, aka Christopher George Latore Wallace was one of the most influential figures in rap history, let alone one of the biggest (figuratively and literally) musicians of the nineties, but I, for one, think Biggie deserves a little more than that.

On the other hand, Notorious B.I.G. was a legacy, a controversial figure who ascended from the streets only to wind up crashing in his prime. The story writes itself, no? I didn't have a chance to delve into his music lifestyle at the time it came out (owing to me being too young and too, well, pigmentally challenged.) However, I did have a chance to listen to most of "Life after Death" on a car ride to Brooklyn on a film shoot. In total, Biggie Smalls is an image, a part of time and a place that only comes around once; it was inevitable that he get a movie sooner or later. So, what better place to see it than in Brooklyn?

My first indication of the effect of this film was the presence of
PO at the door. My first instincts were only confirmed when I got to the theater. Even though I arrived about a half an hour early, I had to sit in the neck-breaking seats in the very front. As one movie-goer put it, "some good-ass seats."

After a mind-numbing 3 Doors Down National Guard commercial that made me forget what good music sounds like, the "Notorious" Experience began.

What I'm about to write next may be a major spoiler for some of you, but it's more of a statement of fact. The movie starts with, well; to put it bluntly (cough cough,) Biggie gets shot. In one moment, my expectations went down the drain like yesterdays bath water. I had naïvely hoped, in my film-critic's optimism, that George Tillman Jr. and Sean P. Combs could put together something totally original in this age of carbon-copy music biopics.

It seems like at some future date, no matter what genre or artist you are into, there will be a biopic for you. Before I continue with this review, I'll take a moment to spell out the basic formula: young, disillusioned artist is an outcast; he finds music as a channel for his talents and quickly becomes popular; as his star rises, he goes out, screws a lot of women, has a bunch of babies, and does tons of drugs. Finally, he crashes, loses everything, and has to find himself again, either through spirituality, the music, or more drugs and sex.

And, "Notorious" is no exception. If you've seen "Ray," "Walk the Line," "Sid and Nancy," or even,
"Walk Hard, The Dewey Cox Story," you've got the basic gist of what happens. Except, in Notorious there are a lot more swearing and titties. I was even waiting for someone to say, "he needs more blankets and less blankets at the same time!"

By the way,
Lil' Kim gets all sorts of naked in this move, which no-one has a problem with. (Well, as long as it's not actually her.)

What perturbed me about this film was the handling of the transitions; some scenes would cut through literally years without any explanation. In one cut, Biggie suddenly has another kid. Sometimes it works, however. For example, Biggie goes from talking to Lil' Kim (Naturi Naughton, more like, Naturi HOTton (bad joke,)) to gettin' it ON in one brilliant cut.

To be fair, everyone put in a great performance in this film.
Jamal Woolard was thoroughly convincing as the legendary B.I.G. Angela Basset also delivered. Some parts, which weren't over the top or formulaic, were incredibly touching and deep. In one scene, a friend from the streets, who went to jail rather than allow Biggie to sacrifice his burgeoning career, returns to console an ailing Smalls in the hospital after his accident.

But for every place where is shines, "Notorious" falls just as hard. Some of the dialogue was extremely contrived, as if the idea was, "Let's give Biggie the most ghetto thing to say." When informed of his first child, T'Yanna, Smalls responds, "Damn." Also, the whole East-Coast West-Coast rivalry was handled EXTREMELY gingerly, avoiding taking sides at all costs, and defending Biggie's claim at the same time.

Tupac and B.I.G. were portrayed as, if I may insert a white-ism, "bro's." Then, after the 1994 shooting happens, the whole dynamic does a one-eighty. I'm perfectly willing to admit that I'm not the most qualified person to examine hip-hop history (say that three times fast, G,) but it seems to me there's much more to it that what was put on the screen. Moreover, some of the way the material was handled was (for me) a bit tame. If you listen to Biggie's music, he talks about some sick shit. These were people who DID come from the streets, who did deal and struggle and commit various crimes, something which is lost on a polished movie set. It's not enough to throw around the F-word and show some fantastic breasts; everything you hear on a street corner in Brooklyn, for instance, ain't gonna make it up on the B.I.G. Screen. Word.

I guess the final nagging point that I'm hammering away at here is this: Biggie Smalls was such an interesting person and lead such an interesting life that his biopic practically writes itself. Moreover, relying on formulas to tell stories, especially those that could be better told without, is one of my core gripes with Hollywood. It gets to the point where you can set your watch to dramatic events.

Or maybe I'm whipping a dead horse.

So, if you like music biopics, and you like Biggie, "Notorious" is the movie for you. If you don't like music and you don't like movies, then you should probably get out more.

One final note: the fact that Puff Daddy (or Sean "Diddy," or P. Diddy, or Poo Doodley, or whatever he wants to call himself nowadays) did not appear in the movie, but only executive produced it endears me to him just a little bit.

It's just a matter of time before we see the Tupac movie.

Schrader out.

January 7, 2009

Forgotten in '08: 'Shrooms'

Happy New Year!

In my research for the best (and worst) films of 2008, I came across this little emerald from the land of Leprechauns and whiskey, Ireland. Relative new-comer to the states, Paddy Breathnach directs Pearse Elliott's swan-song of drug use. "Shrooms" tries to combine the usually fraternal "stoner crowd," and "cheezy horror flick crowd" by creating a horror movie centered around the search and consumption of psilocybin mushrooms. 


Rundown of fodder characters:

Tara - Lindsey Haun: The heroine, whose ingestion of an ordinarily toxic mushroom gives her the power to see the future in her dreams. (Most people go to Ireland to kiss the Blarney stone and get the gift of gab, but I think this is a fair trade off.)

Jake - Jack Huston: The dreamy, dark, mysterious, "in the know" character, who rescues Tara from her deadly trip with mouth to mouth, which, when you're dealing with poisoning, is a really REALLY bad idea.

Troy - Max Kasch: A Jay (of "Jay and Silent Bob" fame) lookalike, who astoundingly makes all the other bobble-heads look intelligent by comparison.

Lisa - Maya Hazen: The slightly-hotter-than-the-others chick who contributes nothing to the plot but an endless hatred for anything less pretty than she.

Holly - Alice Greczyn: To call this one the ditz would be like calling Sarah Jessica Parker "the ugly one" in "Sex and the City."

Bluto - Robert Hoffman: See above.


The film centers around a cabal of brainless American brats who travel to the backwoods of Ireland (the mecca of consciousness-expansion) for the sole purpose of "tripping" on "shrooms." Jack, er, I mean, Jake warns the group not to eat Death Cap Shrooms, which look similar to the "magic" variety, but, apparently, Tara was thinking about her hair during that speech, wanders off on her own, and eats one anyway. Now, I wouldn't know anything about Amanita phalloides, but I do know that poisonous mushrooms do a lot of things besides "giving you the gift of foresight." When Tara ingests the cap, she is miraculously able to see the future; when, in reality, she would have jaundice, hypoglycemia, and massive organ failure before erupting in explosive diarrhea, and dying. But that doesn't make for a very attractive film. (Or does it?)


Also, A. phalloides doesn't look anything like in the movie.


Before the halfway point, the entire cast hates one another, and everyone is totally suspicious of each other peeping on their bedroom escapades (or, rather, back-of-a-truck escapades.) Then, Bluto (neither Popeye's arch-nemisis, nor John Belushi in Animal House,) in a funk, drinks an elixir of the stuff, wanders through the woods, where he sees a talking cow, then, inexplicably sticks his manhood into the window of a dilapidated car. And, to make matters worse, while cavorting around in his undershorts, apparently, he had possession of ALL of their cell-phones! Oh no! Good idea alert #1: Give your only means of communication to the dumbest member of the group!


Despite all I might say, this film has THE best depiction of a talking cow EVER in film history.


This is the point at which the film's plot takes off like a truant truck driver, pepped up on goofenthal, with a full tank of gas and a dead hooker in the trunk, as the horror from the film doesn't stem (yuk) from anything relating to the characters, but rather, on situations which could happen, were one to be under the influence of psychedelic drugs. To reiterate: nothing scary actually happens; it's all, "is he/she tripping, or is this actually happening?" Well, put down your hash-pipe, Sgt. Pepper, and light a stick of incense, 'cuz you just described everything in this movie.


So, in their incapacitated states, rather than sitting tight until they sober up and resuming the search with level heads (you know, like sane people would do,) Tara leads a G.I. Joe platoon of buxom ladies into the woods to rescue their dear friend.


Then, of course, Holly comes across a "Blair Witch Project" shelter, which she, of course, runs up to and inquires of the "Deliverance" hill-people for help. They direct her to a phone with the brilliant line: "You asked 'did we have a phone?' You didn't ask 'does it work?'" And, of COURSE! She is mercilessly slaughtered.


Tall, Dark, and Stupid leads Jason Mewes to go find the girls, when they start tripping and slip away with an elegant, "fuck this!" Lisa pushes Tara into a swamp, where she foresees their companion's death… previously… Hey, wait a minute! I thought foresight only worked FORwards! Oh man, somebody sold me some bad A. phalloides.


Anyway, it is then that Tara opens up to her companion about her new skills, to which, Lisa responds by screaming and running into the swamp. Good idea alert #2, when on  mind altering substances in the open, separate from your only companion! And, as if that wasn't good enough, after Lisa has a run in with whatever evil meanie is killing everybody, Tara wanders right in after her!


Somehow, the three remaining survivors meet up in the same dilapitated shack, and are systematically hunted down by the film's villain: A GUY IN A BURLAP SACK WITH A REALLY BIG HUNTING KNIFE. That's it. That's scary. I mean, that's scary? Well, sure, if you're unarmed and on drugs, but, seriously?


The one point this film misses more than anything is, it's always a bad idea to presuppose the audience will be on drugs. First, anything when viewed under the influence of drugs will automatically be "awesome." (Case in point: The "Harold and Kumar" franchise.) Second, anything which is supposed to be viewed while on drugs will be HEINOUS when viewed sober. (Case in point: "HELP!") Third, and finally, if you're going to make a movie about drugs, you'd better be ready to shell out some real dough for trippy special effects. The "tripping" effects in this film were scaled way down (not that I would know, cough, cough,) to little more than a fish-eye lens. (In contrast to say, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.")


On top of having a plot with the consistency of swiss cheese, this film is home to some dialogue gems such as:

Tara: "Something really shitty could've happened to Bluto!"

To which Troy replies: "Shit happens."


Tara: "I overdosed on the heroin of shrooms!" (Krosman: What does that even mean? Does she need more shrooms to survive?)


Deliverance guy 1

"Lovely tongue on a bull calf."

"Fuck reality." (I think this should have been the tagline.)


T: "I've got a feeling!" (A feeling deep inside, oh yeah!)

L: "The feeling has us in shit creek!" She then pushes Tara into the mud.


Special thanks to Krosman for creative input.


Schrader out.


P.S. While the imdb page lists 2006 as the release date, "Shrooms" was released in the States in '08, so kick yourself for not going to see it in theaters last year.